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Feelings of sadness and depression are more common after childbirth than many people realize. It's important for new mothers — and those who love them — to understand the symptoms of postpartum depression and to reach out to family, friends, and medical professionals for help. Most new moms have something called the baby blues , feelings of sadness and worry that begin in the first days after childbirth. With the baby blues, a woman might feel happy one minute and tearful or overwhelmed the next.
She might feel sad, blue, irritable, discouraged, unhappy, tired, or moody. Baby blues usually last only a few days or a week or two. These mood changes are believed to be a natural effect of the hormone shifts that happen with pregnancy and childbirth. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that increased during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery, and this can affect mood. These hormones return to their pre-pregnancy levels within a week or so.
As they do, baby blues usually gets better without medical treatment. Rest, nutrition, and support are quite important because being exhausted, sleep deprived, or feeling stressed can make feelings of sadness and depression worse. To cope with baby blues, new moms should accept help in the first days and weeks after labor and delivery. Let family and friends help with errands, food shopping, household chores, or child care. Let someone prepare a meal or watch the baby while you relax with a shower, bath, or a nap. Get plenty of rest and eat nutritious foods.
Talking to people close to you, or to other new mothers, can help you feel supported and remind you that you're not alone. You don't have to stifle the tears if you feel the need to cry a bit — but try not to dwell on sad thoughts. Let the baby blues run their course and pass. If baby blues linger longer than a week or two, talk to your doctor to discuss whether postpartum depression may be the cause of your emotional lows. For some women, the feelings of sadness or exhaustion run deeper and last longer than baby blues.
The symptoms of postpartum depression are triggered by childbirth. A woman with postpartum depression may feel sad, tearful, anxious, cranky, discouraged, hopeless, worthless, or alone. For Martha, it was a reaction against her upbringing: For Julie, co-sleeping is as much for her as her eight-month-old son.
Relationship breakdowns: 11 tips on helping your children cope
I find it difficult to mix with people who do sleep training, because they get defensive. The judging goes both ways. Attachment parenting, on the other hand, can invest its techniques with not just efficacy, but morality: Then there is the bond they form with each other: McHale had told me mutual support was one of the main appeals of attachment parenting, and this was clear in every group I met. When I discovered other people were doing it this way, that was a huge reassurance. But there are times when attachment parenting seems to have made some women feel worse. She was about to return to work, with great regret.
Of the dozens of mothers I spoke to, only one had returned to work full-time; Julie was the only one with a small baby considering it. I ask Julie, Sylvie and Martha if they feel attachment parenting is a rejection of feminism. Absolutely not, they say, with the weary eye rolls of women who have heard this criticism before.
So we see this as a maternal feminist issue. We should be able to stay home for three to five years, without being ostracised by fellow feminists and the culture at large. Sylvie had told me: There are times when the underlying message sounds more like emotional blackmail: Although attachment parenting now appeals to the liberal, middle-class woman, it started from an anti-feminist place. Guilt In The Age Of Natural Parenting , the Sears are fundamentalist Christians with eight children; attachment parenting is modelled on their deeply religious view of the family, with the father at its head and the mother the devoted caretaker.
Tuteur tells me why she thinks AP is uniquely retrograde. Women, for so long, only had birth and breastfeeding, and no one felt empowered. If you want to take power from women, convince them they want to go back to that. Tuteur also objects to the way AP speaks to a limited demographic. A mother of four, Tuteur initially worked nights so she could be with her children during the day, then switched from medicine to writing, again to be with them more.
But there is something very wrong with making your children your identity. That is not healthy for anyone, and it appears we are raising a generation that is helpless; their mother did everything for them, because that was her identity. She worked hard at school and university, and after having her baby, dialled back her work at a veterinary practice to two days a week.
Her little boy sleeps half the night in her room and half in his. She still breastfeeds him at 1am. The talk turns to co-sleeping. This cuts to one of the biggest criticisms family psychologists have of AP: AP websites are full of advice about how parents can maintain their sex life despite sharing a bed with their children, usually involving alternative rooms and other times of day.
But family psychologists say this is not the point. Attachment parenting tells women to strive for a balance in family and personal life, but everything it then says undermines that. It definitely has more of an impact on couples than other kinds of parenting. A child still needs to understand boundaries and learn that self-love is not the same as narcissism. No one person is more important than anyone else.
We are all mutually important: Using your child as a shoulder to cry on or to burden with worries is not acceptable and WILL damage your child and their mental health. This will never change. But the collateral damage can be controlled.
If you prioritise your child, you will both benefit greatly as you watch them grow and develop into a happy little person whose love will drive you to be a better version of yourself. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex-partner and do not use your child as a pigeon carrier. If you have friends or family who are encouraging childish behaviour or using your child as an emotional chess piece, rise above it and choose a mature response to every issue or challenge.
Not everyone is suited to parenthood but if there is a real mutual love for the child there is a good chance everyone will come out unscathed. You can follow his Facebook updates here. This scheme in addition to defending the freedom of the press, offers readers a quick, fair and free method of dealing with complaints that they may have in relation to articles that appear on our pages. Please note that TheJournal.
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Relationship breakdowns: 11 tips on helping your children cope
You may change your settings at any time but this may impact on the functionality of the site. To learn more see our Cookies Policy. By Karl Melvin Friday 27 Nov , 8: So how should parents deal with the aftermath of separation? Here are some tips: Deal with your guilt. If the breakup is particularly nasty, you might face resistance from your ex-partner. Ensure your children are not carrying the burden.