But at one point, the mother tried to coax Francis into leaving with her, and she walked first out of the house, hoping he would follow. Francis instead locked the door behind her, leaving the mother outside and the children inside by themselves with Francis, Brewer said. At another point, Francis allegedly hit the mother in the head with a picture frame, a blow that required her to receive stitches at an area hospital.
Brewer said the mother has returned home, and the family has asked for privacy as they try to cope with their ordeal. Once outside the house, the mother apparently went to her car, where she called , something her three children — the youngest is 9 and the two older are teenagers — were also doing around the same time, according to Brewer and a recording of police dispatch by Broadcastify.
The father returned from his trip and went inside the house, where he made contact with the three children. All four made their way to a closet in a second-floor bedroom, possibly a closet in the master suite, Brewer said. Sharon Police Officer Richard Derry happened to be nearby and was at the house about 30 seconds after being dispatched, Brewer said.
His backup was probably 10 minutes away. Brewer said the violent incident was highly unusual for Sharon, a suburb where a large portion of the town is given over to conservation land. Ricardo Francis from Hyde park was arraigned in Stoughton District Court for breaking into a Sharon home on Billings Street and assaulting a woman at knifepoint while her three young children were nearby.
By Emily Sweeney and John R. Get Metro Headlines in your inbox:. The 10 top local news stories from metro Boston and around New England delivered daily. As i am dependent on my parents they always tell me that they have bought bike for me, you got all things on time to time, you do not have value of money, you break my trust n all. My parents try to control me by using the things they have bought for me to keep me in my house. I simply want to move out of my house because I literally hate being there. When I talk about moving out they threaten to take my car.
I want to get my CDA child development associate to be a preschool teacher but they wont allow me to do what I love. They have gone as far as texting my boyfriend and threatening him and telling him that if we move in together that it will break my family apart. I am really done with them. What do i do? By doing this you can take their leverage and use it to your advantage. For example, rather than then using your car to blackmail you into conforming to their will, you can use it as proof that you are mature enough to make decisions without them.
As for the boyfriend, proceed with caution, put the ball in their court. My parents hell my family in general sincerely make me want to kill myself. Im 34 years old. I feel trapped like a hostage. Yeah my dad is ailing and I have sympathy for him but that was an exceptionally low blow on his part. I have a drivers license and they have four cars yet they refuse to let me drive anywhere on my own. My dad bought me cars and I crashed one and I havent drove for three years but that was one incident yet seemingly that disqualifies me from ever driving on my own in their eyes.
They want to control everything I do and Im too old to play any of their games. They say they want me to leave but literally give me no feasible way to leave. Almost like they like seeing me dependent on them and miserable. They said they would get me an apartment but I havent lived in Pittsburgh long term in 6 years since i graduated college and the places they suggest me moving to I absolutely hate. There are no people in my age group there just old people I cant relate to. I tried explaining to my family that my friend got me and him work in Colorado and they refuse to let me leave. My family even threatened to call the police on me when I explained myself cause apparently I raised my voice.
Then all four of my family members just dumped on me with all of these projections of negative behavior Ive exhibited and proceeded to put words in my mouth that i never said to make me look like the bad guy for not wanting to be a punching bag for them and their negative energy. I havent lived with them in over 16 years…. I only visit for holidays and they act like they know me better than I know myself. They dont get that thats life.
Their african and west indian and im a first generation. They cant or dont want to relate to African Americans. No matter how much i try to explain that the job market and the economy is rough for. Frankly they make me want to stab myself in the neck with a knife. They are making me depressed and miserable. And their solution is to put me on pain medications so I shut up. What kind of people are they? I literally NEVER have to deal with this kind of energy except from my family and its making me angry and depressed and miserable!
All I want to do is get away from them and be around my friends and other people who dont bring that negative energy around me. I never introduce my girlfriends to them and frankly they dont deserve to meet them. They are afraid of me becoming successful and not being dependent on them anymore as much as they dont want to admit it. So now Im seemingly stuck in this upper middle class suburban neighborhood after living in NYC for 6 years with no transportation and my family pretends to ignore me when i talk to them and have the nerve to talk behind my back like i dont hear them doing so.
Sleeping in my old bedroom that hasnt been my bedroom since I moved out for college in I dont want to hurt myself but living with these people that are legit stopping me from making my own money to live my own life simply because they want to control me and threaten me by calling the police on me makes me want to do so. Instead I will be asked to save my money with them, as they know better, what to do with money. Just so you know, I have never ever ever had any gambling, substance use or any kind of crazy history so I can start living on my own and they are violently opposing to this idea.
At times I wish, the stronger of the couple, my father, was either sick or super-annuated or dead. To top it off, in a country like India, the society expects me to live with those God-knows-whats. Hi, im 18 and I have a very controlling mother who wants to control every aspect of my life including what clothes i should wear, my relationships, and ALL of my expenses. How do I cope with this? Set boundaries, say no, save up money, buy your own things. If you live with her move out, save as much as you can and make that a plan. You can distance yourself from that but you gotta be independent, if you already are then great, distance yourself, if not make that your goal.
Hi, I am Mary. I live with a controlling dad. He sees no good in all I do, and always want me to do his bidding at 27 years of age. Right now I feel am been push to the edge.
Sharon parents, 3 kids terrorized by armed man inside their home
Please I need your advise. I have a mother everything I do once she is not involved she has an issue with. Since my sister died my boyfriend and i broke up she treats him way better than me. I have reached a point that I just want to leave her home alone but she is also sickly. So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I have reach my breaking point I dont know how to cope in this situation anymore.. I wish that she can try and at least compromise but yet she feels the need that her opinion is the only one that matters. All my friend und coworkers keep asking me what i use these money for.
I tried looking for a part time job but its not easy getting 1. I got a babysitting job in which they forbid me from doing this job why because the job is not a good job. I have a boyfriend in which none of them know about me having a boyfriend. I hate being controlled by dating a guy i dont want. I tried working but i stopped working because they want to share the money i earned with them because i stay with them. Im 19years of age but its like they are not my parent because how can i pay for living with them. Now im trying to move out but they dont want me to move out of the house , they are like i will have to wait stil im 23years.
Dont know what to do. They live an hour away. So they manipulated me to move to their state so they could help me more financially till I could get on my feet. So they manipulated me into leaving a state I love about a year ago. So I finally get a little bit of cash going, and all the sudden my brother, well no. My brothers wife wants me out just now. But nothing affordable if even available. So I go look at campers. I can actually afford a camper on my own easily and even pay for a spot to put it monthly easy and just live in it and save money doing that.
So I went through everything. I paid for the camper, had the contract signed, just had to give the the rest of the down payment, and pick up the camper. So at the last second. Every single time I have an idea for my own life, he poo poos it and throws it aside like it was a rediculous idea. And I asked if he meant emotional support and he said yes. Real love is unconditional! He uses it to get me to do what he wants and I have just recently become aware of it.
He just starts threatening people to get what he wants! I had it all figured out and I was finally excited about my life. He just wants me to live the little boring ass life he was in my mind for me and starts yelling when I stray away from his plan. How do I deal with this!!!!! This article somehow so relate with me.
I feel like my mind and soul is not healthy these years because of their behavior. They fight each other, my dad often make my mom cry. Beside that, he always so possessive to me. Asking where am I, whom I with, like everyday, every afternoon and evening. Not only possessive, he also could easily get jealous if I have a boyfriend, even I always told him about my activities, I always invite my boyfriend to my home, so that my dad could get closer with him. I always try to do what he wants. Begin with school achievement, until my career.
I always trying to meet his expectation, but he will never had enough for my effort. He always said that my boyfriend is not good for me, so in the end, I always mad at my boyfriend and broke up with him just because my parents feel that I forget about them when I have a boyfriend. This just so frustating for me. Is there anyone who feel the same with me? My situation is like alot of others on here.
I came from a bad childhood my dad stayed drunk most of the time. I left my husband of 17 years of marriage because of abuse. Their s times i get so depressed i feel like giving up. I have to go to my room when she starts because i dont want to hear her run them down. I pray and understand what grown children are going through. I pray for god to help us all through our struggles. I thought I owed them that much. When nursing school started, I realized how out of place I was when everyone was asking why we wanted to be nurses. They never allow me to go out with friends, I can barely go outside without them going to check up on me.
It worries me, I want this cycle to break but the last time I tried putting my foot down me and my dad got into a very bad argument and it got physical. My mother stood and watched. I currently live with them because I have no where else to go without some type of stuggle. I have no car. I have a decent part time job. I can tell you that at 19, it was the same. It only gets worse. Maybe you can apply to college and take out student loans to help you get a place. I regret not doing this when I was younger.
If I did, I might be free today. Please find a way to leave. If you fall down financially then that is still a life situation you have to come to terms with and find a solution. Generation after generation, people have endured hardships that created character and backbone. Good luck young people. My mom was very controlling even when I was living on my own, she had a key made to my apartment behind my back. She would come inside my apartment when I was at work, she would also come in the middle of the night.
Since I have moved back home, it has gotten worse. Hi,I,m a 20 years old college student. The course chosen is not exactly the one i like so i do get some bad grades. My mom has always been the controlling type ever since i was young and since my father is working overseas,everything turned even worse. I dreaded telling my mom that I was dropping out of school. I know she loves me and wants the best but I also knew that I needed to do something different with my life. I wanted to be an entrepreneur and start my own business.
My mother was distraught when I told her. She made no effort to hide her disappointment and tried to say anything she could to change my mind. She made good arguments but I stuck with my plans. If you have a controlling mom and dad my advice is to let them do and say what they will.
Find good, rational arguments for your decisions and life. Stick with your idea, and find people who do believe in you. My is mom is always in a hurry for everything including answering the phone and the door. Sometimes I just want to throw her out the window. She also treats my dad like crap and she always yells at him for sneezing or coughing. I also hear tell him to take a shower like a five year old, and also one time we went out eat she slapped his hand for touching his food.
I have very manipulant parents. They nice for a while then my mum reverts back to bullying me. I have split from my second husband. They became so nasty bringing up my past etc. When I felt vulnerable. I feel alone with them Yet my brother can do no wrong. He lives with his girlfriend and 3 children. But as a strong Catholic family it was no problem. I myself lived with my partner they stopped talking to me saying how wrong and bad I am… I could go on but everyone see the difference between me and my brother being treated.
If you are interested in joining the group, please search for it on Facebook. Ok, so I am 29 and broke up with my ex a little less than a year ago. I had to move back in with my parents so I could save up to live on my own. I knew it was going to be hard but I honestly thought I would have moved out like 5 months ago. I work full time never mind you.. I have known for a long time that they have emotionally abused me my whole life and will do it for the rest of my life.
This is what emotional abuse as done to me.. When I know that I was a different person, different mother when I was on my own. I have to keep my mouth shut and just hope I get enough taxes next month and can leave. I can make a better life for my daughter and myself.. I will say I spent all day working on my website today and felt so good about it and my dad came home and saw me working and made it a point to say I did nothing all day… what is that? Like what is that called? By the way we are Muslim family, so i am able to point them out what they should and should not be doing according to the religion, what is in the Quran and Hadeeth, that if parents have great rights than children too have rights which must be fulfilled.
And they have to accept this, coz why? Show this website to parents by some means. Today while driving i told my dad, when he said who is responsible for car issues for so many years. I clearly said you always point out each and every minor mistake, but in reality i have never driven in a way that could damage it and I have hit very seldom, Infact they themselves been hitting it often.
Eat your parents brain until they argue but donot disrespect in any way, and when they get really angry to the last point than stop and behave like in all affirmativeness. Than let their anger lower down, go away to some other place. If they say you are loud and disrespecting, even after you are not, than tell them its my natural voice tone im not disrespecting just making my point for you to understand your kids, like you are talking im also talking but im much lower than your voice and i fully respect you.
You will later see change in their behavior regarding that argument.
Your Answer
But for each new argument and issue, you may need to fight it off in the same way i explained above and you will see changes in their behavior in that issue. This helped a bit, so I really just need to vent. Back in august, my mom flew off the handle and accused my grandma of poisoning her and trying to kill her and the rest of our family.
Mind you, my older brother and I live on our own, and my younger brother lives with my dad. So it has just been my little sister by herself with my mom for a few years now. She seemed happy there, till all of this happened. Now my younger sister is living with my brother and I and our significant others. We are all working together to help with the situation, but my mother is still being overbearing.
We do not have any paperwork for this, as we all just thought this was temporary, my mom has threatened to take my sister from us over the smallest things that she may not agree with. Thing is, she does not even have a house or a car to take my sister, but it is still a constant scare. I know my sister should ultimately be living with my mom, but right now my mom just is not fully mentally stable to take her yet, and I really do not want to have any contact with her, but she knows where we live, and I am worried she may just show up.
My mom feels the need to check in daily and multiple times a day. She is the one that wanted my sister to stay with me during this period, and now that she is with me, my mother will not leave me alone. It is a constant irritation or fight.
I am 20 years old, my older brother is 25, my younger brother is 16 and my little sister is She is an amazing girl, but it is very hard to be a big sister and also be a mother, especially when my mother keeps butting in even though she really does nothing to help, and every time my sister has to see her it makes it that much harder for me to deal with her attitude. Thanks for sharing these insights. I never thought I needed an action plan, never thought I could get stronger. I never realized it was a waste of time to wish I had different parents. Thanks for book titles.
Hi, im 16 years old and i live with my parents. I cant wake up a day and go see my mom happy making breakfast because she doesnt think its her job and her nagging voice wakes me up every day and i feel like its a sin when i sleep till 9 am on a Sunday. She is always complaining about the stuff i do and about how much i live like a pig but the funny thing is she exactly does the things she tells me not to. She gets angry very easily and she even screamed that she wish i was never born or she never wanted a child like me.
I look around myself and see how other teens like me are treaded by their mom and dads and everytime i ask myself what have i done to deserve such parents. Both of them keep finding the right excuse to take away my phone and ground me for weeks. They even screamed once because i came 10minutes late home. They did give me most of the things i wanted but lately they make me think im a horrible person for asking to go shopping with them and make it look like its the worst thing on earth.
They dont want me to see my friends anymore because they thing i love my friend more and honestly with all those attitude theyre showing well obviously im starting to like hanging out with other people more than i do with my parents. Some nights they calm down and i think everything is okay but the next day, they find an excuse again to make me hate myself more. I already have this problem with my confidence and loving myself and they just make it even worse.
This has been going on for almost 2 years now and it got horrible in the past 8 months. I dont even know how to react to their screamings anymore. I dont think they are bad people. Theyre just bad at parenting. They sound a lot like my parents. Save up some money and move out as soon as you can probably years.
Spend more time with people who actually care about you and you will start feeling better about yourself and more confident in your own decisions. I am 17 and my dad is super controlling. Everything he says in the house, goes. My mother is completely blind to how controlling he is and how he affects my life along with my little sister. When I am doing chores, he constantly tells me every little detail I need to do, and often loses his temper on us.
If I make a mistake, he is gets mad at me and takes away my freedoms. He always checks my phone and messages and yells at me for them. I cannot say no to my father, or argue because he yells and hits me. Talk to a relative of school counselor. That is mental and physical abuse and you do not have to live like that. If he hits you or your sister take a picture of any marks. And if you can try and record some of what he says to you.
My sister 26 and I 21 are not allowed to have a boyfriend unless we want to marry that person. They would do anything for my sister and I. I generally have an independent personality, and being under so much pressure and control is driving me crazy. The colour of my lipstick should be checked by my mom before i buy it, i can only use foundation and lipstick, not allowed to use anything more. If i want to buy something, i have to ask for permission before buying it. Even if i want to go out with an old friend, i have to ask for permission.
And that makes things even harder. Is it necessary to leave me alone and go out by yourself? We always go out together too! I have to be what they want me to be. My older sister has the same problems too by the way.
It will break their hearts. I feel the same way: Everything got exponentially worse when I started dating my first boyfriend. They view me as naive and inexperienced. I went into the field of study that they wanted me to, I went to the university they wanted to, etc. The boys can go out anytime and its fine tho before parents became fine with this they stood their ground and detached. Growing up I was the child who would always follow the rules and just follow whatever they ask me to do. By the time we were in college my older brothers were going against my dad and didnt care if he was mad as long as they do what they want.
I on the other hand received never ending lectures, blame and ranting from my dad that it is also my fault why my brothers are like that to him and that it is my duty as a daughter to make them okay with each other again. I just cried because I know it wasnt my fault but then why was I being blamed. In our culture there is the tendency for parents to expect that their children should serve them as well. The people I know with a similar situation as me are the ones who are considered good daughters who secretly want a happier more fulfilled life but are allowing themselves to be controlled by their parents.
Whenever I try to tell mom how unreasonable her request is or to ask one of my siblings to do the errand instead, she usually gets mad and tells me I am the older sister and I must do it. My struggle in mostly internal because I need to have enough courage to face them and I know it can turn violent if I do so.
At the same time I feel so stupid because a lot of kids aged 18 in different countries are more independent and treated like an adult than myself. They just push harder. There is no speaking to them without confrontation so I shut up take it and say nothing. In a recent two-month study abroad program, I realized I could do some things by myself. But upon returning I found out that I still depend too much on them.
I realized I have no sense of making decisions on my own because my entire life my parents, especially my mom, have always made decisions for me or strongly influenced my decisions. I also found out that I am helpless because everything has been done for me all my life.
7 Tips for Dealing With Controlling Parents
I was never taught how to cook or do the laundry because we had a maid and if she was not here my mom would do it. If he or my mom couldnt drive me, or I didnt find anyone to go with by car, I would simply not go. They say they trust me but when I ask them to help me or teach me do something I dont know, they end up doing it themselves instead of teaching me. Upon returning, I also realized that their wanting to know about me in the morning and at night EVERY DAY showed some kind of problem, not only in the country I was studying but also here I live with them.
Now that I know about this and other heavy things about myself thanks to this journey one of my dearest friends is teaching me to get around without a car. She is also helping me make decisions without thinking about asking for my parents advice. Even i cant go anywhere without their permission even if i want to go with my friends even if the tym is 2 pm they say no to me.
Next year, I will be college already. I wanted to take engineering in a famous university in the city so that I can get good opportunities later on. Ever since I was little, my parents made most of the decisions for me. They never trust me. Until now in junior high every move I make is being watched. I never had privacy.
I never had my own room thats why everything I do is visible to their eyes. The school I was going to is were my mom is teaching so that does it. I hated my life for it to turn out like this. Its like I never had a choice. I spent 8 years of my life wasting away in Taekwondo just to get a black belt so I can quit. I had to do swim team for 4 years, then I took a 3 year break, and now I have to do it again this summer. I would rather read all summer and volunteer, but now I have less time to do those things. I want to be able to choose for myself what I want to do.
I cry at night wishing I can do what I want. I learned for 2 months when I was 12 and never got a chance to do it again. And also just get the best benefit you can get now from all these sports. Had to take music lessons until I passed the grade 12 Royal Conservatory of Music Exams because my mother did that and loved it. I have my life together and live independantly. Talking to them is exhausting, and makes me hate spending time with them or talking to them on the phone.
I worked hard from a child to try and keep him happy by working in the business, qualifying as a CA and marrying a man of his approval. I lost all my money in the process, yet he is a millionaire and will not give me a dime. I left my two children back there to pursue my career to get them with me and I pray this happens this year. Other than that, I honestly do not care. He only has himself to blame.
Not until I have my children living with me again, other than that — most definitely. I was an extremely depressed teenager, by the time I became a freshmen in high school I was suffering from complete depression. My parents never gave it a second thought. They were called in once to the school I got busted before I could run away , and were told that I needed psychiatric help. I did horrible in college despite having a very high IQ. I had previously had bouts with manic spells, but not like the ones that I began having.
I had a great boyfriend who loved me enough to put up with me. I tend to be a lot more depressed than manic, so it would really get to me. By this time I was about 22, and I knew something was wrong. So, I started going to a psychiatrist. Also at 22 I bought a duplex, gutted and remodeled it. Again, thank god for my boyfriend.
I continued the on one medicine, then off, and on another, until I was about My parents did bail me out a couple of time. They never made any effort to learn anything about my illnesses though. I was still working then, and let me tell you, people were really starting to hate me. When I started feeling better I wanted to go to school in Chicago. Everything went great with the business until the recession hit. Obviously, I was depressed. I was back to medication searching, and went on disability. I had so many health problems that I had to.
That was 6 years ago. And really want to get off of disability. He treats them like crap; I do all kinds of things for them and I constantly get yelled at. When I looked that up in the urban dictionary I was pretty astounded at how hateful it is. It is pretty much impossible. I have a way out. They stress me out and drain my energy to the point that after I talk to them I will usually sleep for 4 or 5 hours.
The one I need to make proud is myself, and tune them out. Easier said than done, especially for a 42 year old going on She takes my phone and goes through everything, every text, picture, and email, even though I barely do anything other than school and chores. And my father is no help. Even with my license she will want to know every single detail about where I am at all times and will probably try to track me, even though I will be buying the car with my money, not theirs, that I inherited.
And if I do, then what? I hope you can begin making healthy steps towards recovery ASAP. Even if you have to start college near them, you can always look at options of transferring to an out of state college when you can. Do you have extended family that you can trust and maybe live with?
Somewhere where you will be listened to and they will be able to to protect you. Because from my experience you may struggle from just living with a difficult family and then all of a sudden being completely on your own. Hi, I am an eighteen year old freshman in college. I am currently living with my younger brother and my mother, who is a single parent. I was just recently accepted for a transfer to a different school and am wanting to move out at the end of the semester. The issue is my mother. She is in complete denial that I was accepted to the other school and refuses to even talk to me about the move.
When she had found out about the transfer she flipped out on me. There was alot of screaming on her end and tears on mine. This college is also near by other family members should an incident arise, I have someone there for me. I cannot stay in this household with her any longer and I am struggling to put my foot down and tell her I am moving regardless of what she wants.
Her and I are constantly getting into arguments. Most often times those arguments involve her screaming and me standing there silently in tears and only speaking to give her the answers she wants to hear. I really need help, please. In your situation, I myself would try to get my mom to understand that I am not a kid anymore and I have a life to fulfill, as well as try to get her to realize that she is not the only one sad about moving.
She has nothing to worry about as you said since you have family members near in case of an incident. She cannot deny you anything because you are now able to make those decisions yourself. I hope this helps you. Hi all, just commenting here because I find myself in this situation, dealing with controlling parents.
Resources for Dealing With Controlling Parents
My mother, while loving and intelligent, is definitely a controlling parent. Her way of controlling me has to do with one simple word: Back to my mother. Sure, I was taught basic responsibility: I do already practice steps 4, 5, and 7, but I still have trouble with the other steps. I am constantly fighting with my father over stupid stuff. As emotional as I am, he is a lot more emotional. How do I stop constantly fighting with my old man? Im a 42 year old and i own my own home….. I am 36 years old and I live with my mother and she is 63 years old and has medical problems and I have to take care of her sometimes she has confussion spells and falling spells and I call my sister and stepdad and see what I can do and when I tell her she gets pissed and then threatens to take my phone and laptop and I am tired of it and she gets on my freaking nerves and I can not take it.
I hangout with him and his family a lot but I try and make it fair to my family as well and hangout at my house too. I work 5 days out of the week and still have to do chores.. And have no problem helping the family because I still live there.. When I work long days at work and get off and see my phone is blowin up with messages from her yelling at me, makes me not want to even step foot in the door so I hangout with my boyfriend at his place. I know most of you would say tell her how you feel.. But none of you know my mother and if I speck my mind even IF she says she want to hear what I have to say it never goes well..
I get threatened to pay rent.. Everyone in my family is on her side and I feel alone except for when I vent to my boyfriend but there only so much you can vent to a guy before he totally hates your whole family.. I just need someone to talk to other than my boyfriend… adivce? Due to her behavior its as if none of my distance relationships do work out.. Because she would get mad about me spending to much time with him. Have you let your partner know about your situation? Do you have other friends? You can try hanging out with them and invite your boyfriend and when you come back home let them know you were with your friends.
You have the control to tell them only what you want them to know. Get help and learn how not only to deal with them but how you can start living. My mom is always harrasing me telling me she is going to take my stuff away and I am sick of it I am 36 years old and i live with her what can I do. Try to stay calm. Meditate early in the morning. This is the problem. Now find a solution. Save up your money and plan to buy your own things an apartment?. Go out seek help. You are a man. And believe it all not I was brought up believing that there was nothing to life. I was with this amazing girl for a few months things went really well.
Then one last amazing day out she told me she talked to a guy she slept with I freaked nearly crying she said it was just one message so she replied just because he said hi. And I freaked out went into bad emotions. They controlled my everything and I let them because I thought it was Normal. I used to be a fun guy to be around but then I went into this relationship with a girl I liked so much I controlled her to the point she had to walk because she was scared of hurting me.
This one aunt used to intimidate me by saying what you gonna do now. I pay your bills I pay your life. I moved out of my parents house because they were too controling. They told me to cut all my friends off. Get out of the bathroom. My mom used to stay in the bathroom crying because my old man used to stand outside the door and bang on it.
It was hell living with them. I used to cry and she would laugh and say get off the floor. I had a breakdown.
Then they would whisper things that would control my entire life. I went back home and it was like nothing was wrong. I was the one with a problem. Then I used to sleep in the parking lot because house was too small. I would get home from work just wanted to go to the fridge to get some food and would wake them because I worked at night.
Me and my old man: growing up with an elderly parent | Life and style | The Guardian
Still I am in my car typing this. I started going to church but it was no use because it was the church my family went to. This page is amazing because alot of these go through parts of what I am going through now. Find your own church, your spiritual connection should be 1 in your life. I also get the impression that you know what you want to do — and even what you should do — because you said your mother, siblings, and friends are supporting the decision you want to make.
You need to own this decision, to take it one step at a time, and to do what you believe is right for you and your boyfriend. You know what you want and need to do…. What steps can you take now to cope with his anger, disappointment, or reaction? But every adult needs to make difficult decisions about her life — and most of us make decisions that hurt or disappoint our parents. I wish you all the best as you move forward in your life.
You will struggle — and so will your family. But you must follow your heart and be true to your own life, or you will never be happy. It sounds like now is the time for you to stand up to your controlling father and life the life of your dreams. I got most of the answers from your last paragraph where you told me we have to own our decisions and live on with whatever bad or good might come out of it.
I need to make sure I am doing the right thing, to get rid of this control-freak thing, this is holding me back, fear. My father will not talk to me, maybe for sometime or maybe never again, and he might threaten us or hurt us, at least that is what he said. I would still be living my life, always being available to talk to him if he would want me back, I would still understand him and forgive him, as long as he would let me do my own thing, let me judge about my decisions and take them. As for the first step, I will marry my boyfriend and move with him, I will keep on doing my job, evolve professionaly, develop as a person in every aspect of my life, keep my relationship with my boyfriend and my friends and other people healthy, contribute to the society, and always look for a solution to make my father accept me back, with my new life.
My family says the words as I think them. They know my thoughts before I do. My name is Klodiana, I am First of all I really appreciate your article, it sums up a lot of things I have been searching for in between a lot of books, life experiences, friends advices, and people from all paths of life. My father is a product of a lot of pain, transition, war, and stuborness. He is a person who was able to control me, and I will turn 27 in some days, besides controlling me for all my life, and imposing to me everything I have done in life, he is also upset and controlling over my younger sister 24 and my brother Ever since I was a kid, he was telling me what to do, when to wake up, when to go to bed, when to go to school, what to study, when to come back home right after school, beat me from time to time in the past until I was 18 , if I would go out at night I had to always ask for his permission Even now, even though I am fortunately livigin alone , and if I was late he would go all crazy.
All and a lot of struggles, all and a lot of emotional stress and pain, have been through. My mother does not have any authority over my father, so she cannot do anything, but be there to talk to us as a counselor and make sure we will not go crazy. No matter what, I do love my father, and my heart stops a beat in case he is sick or in pain, even though I can never find out because he never communicates.
The relationship to him means a lot, and I know he loves me too and he wants the best for me, but not through always being tough and blackmailing me! If I ask to go on vacation, with my money, with friends or anything outside the country, he will not let me. Now the thing is, I met a guy almost 2 years ago and we are totally utterly at ease with each other. He loves me, respects me, he is the best man alive.
He helped me all the way with patience and support, to achieve my career goals, to control my emotions and not go crazy, to deal with my father patiently and stuff. I tried a lot of times to convince my father that he is not a foreigner to me, and we have gone through a lot of things, especially dealing with the distance was crazy, but my father said no and if he my father ever meets him, he would kill him! Now I have decided I should just leave, without his permission.
My mother my siblings, my friends who know my boyfriend, all of them support me and they think he is the best man for me, but my father never will, nor will he ever talk to me if I just leave. You made some really good points about my tips for dealing with controlling parents — thank you!
The best suggestion I have is to talk to an adult you trust, and get in-person advice for coping with your parents. What do you think about that? Words of wisdom, for an adult. What about a 10 years old chid? How can a child put into practice all your nice tips and tricks?
Did you have that nice type of controlling parents who are used to control their kids with physical and mental abuse? Sorry but the Internet is full of tips and tricks on how to do this and that but this is not gonna work with abused children. If your life choices suck dont expect praise and admiration. Wanna try being ill? And having litterally no choice but to be a snowflake? Not the dictatorship life that is forced upon you from day one with controlling parents.
My mum is beyond overbearing and at times can be physically abusive, on a day to day see reminds me of how crap my life is, and how im not good enough. Not in those exact words, but its what she means. I had an accident at work a few years back thats left me with a chronic illness, that results in constant, non life threatening, but it sure feels like im dying, pain.
Where else was this little snowflake supposed to turn? Especially seeing as my mum being as controlling as she is, begged me to come home so she could take care of me. Now im just in the way, i talk too much, i dont do enough around the house, even though, i cook every meal for her, even her lunch for work.
Wanna stop the snowflake pandemic? Stop fussing and interfering. So as a broken young person, what was i supposed to do? Struggle get into debt, and make my condition worse due to stress and more than likely the ability to afford decent healthy food, so i could stick to a diet that helps ease some of the pain? Or was i supposed to cut all ties with my only remaining parent and move away with my ex to live happily ever after, with people telling me how bad of a person i must be to cut all ties with my toxic mum, because, as they say, you only get one mum.
Which after my one father died at 17 i completely understand. Let us make mistakes without the ridicule, shaming and disappoint, then maybe we can actually get on with learning from said mistakes and start to grow as an individual, and finally cut the cord, fly the nest for the last time, and throughout it all have a healthy happy relationship with you parents. Oh and finally to any of those parents out there who are over 40 looking at this shaking your head, stating something and nothing about back in your day. Oh and a big lack of decent paying jobs…you know the kind that gives you financial security, cant even get a contract these days in the uk, its all zero hrs, with no garauntee to work.
Try it go on, and then come and tell all us snowflakes how easy it was. How can you get the help you need? It would be great if you could join a support group or even take a 12 week course on how to deal with controlling people at home or work. So, what options are in your community or city? Do a little sleuthing, let me know what you come up with. I have a horrible relationship with my parents. The only person I actually am respected by is my 9 year old daughter. I have severe epilepsy, therefore I have to rely on my friends and family to take me or my little girl places. And that is the most hurtful thing they all use against me.
They do not acknowledge me as a fellow adult in our home. The disgusted breath is what I hear every time I need a ride to coach my daughters soccer team, and even a ride to the grocery store, to cook their meals. I prepare my cousins children for school every morning, cook their after school snacks, and aid them with their homework. But the money that is given to our family for these aids, is kept by my parents.
They take my money, casino, vacations, and whatever else. I have to scrap every extra penny I have for my daughters to have clothes and shoes. I hope u didnt read my other comment. Im a negative person so dont read my reply. I cant control my fingers anyways. You get nothing u wanted…… According to me. Either ways, u will feel pain. Even if u dont. U have to find some pain. Hope for a payback. Sort of a revenge. Im not on about revenging anybody. But the hatred is still there, stingin everywhere in the brain like a bunch pf needles.
I know Im too negative. I havent got to the solution yet which is even harder to read. No one cares about u. If u r smart enough, u will find that out. When fear comes to the one who cares about u. Jus know life is a drag. Also, u r trapped. U cant choose to live anymore. Its really hard to find a solution to this. Im not gonna tell u to find the solution anyways. I know its a draag but pain is the driving force of hatred. I feel sorry for myself being negative coz Im in a real bad mood as always. There is no way out but to live it out.