Manual Thinking Sexy: Unlocking the secrets of sensual desire

Others like to dominate, or simply to be held — the list goes on and on. That diversity is now reflected in porn — a relatively new development. Though women have always been involved in the industry, until the s porn was largely geared toward a male audience.

When home videos became available, however, porn — previously only shown in theatres — became more easily accessible to women as well as men. Picking up on this, female directors began creating porn marketed towards women, which often took a softer approach, with story lines lacking in violence, for instance. The industry has continued to evolve, however, with porn made by and consumed by women including erotic Victorian vampire sequences, all-male gay porn, monster porn and more. At the most basic, neurological level, we still have no idea how desire works or what triggers it in the first place.

If you are enjoying this story, take a look at the other pieces in our Sexual Revolutions special series, including:.

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Anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship, male or female, will likely agree with the finding that desire is not static. Studies confirm that it tends to diminish in the context of long-term relationships. For women, however, the loss is often much more severe , possibly because testosterone provides a buffering effect for men against things like mood, stress and fatigue.

Women, on the other hand, often feel that their relationship has lost thrill of the unknown and the sense of mystery and risk that they felt at the beginning, and that domestic life — including exhaustion, anxiety, stress and busyness — produce a smoldering effect. It can be cultivated. Rekindling desire, Wise says, is sometimes as simple as introducing novelty into the relationship or life in general, which could mean traveling to a foreign country together, attending a sex party or learning a new skill.

Sometimes lack of desire stems from overriding issues — a medical problem, a breakup, a job loss, the birth of a baby or any other stressful event. This is normal, however, and usually temporary. Many of them continue to have sex out of obligation, viewing it as another chore — albeit one that is dreaded. When sex actually takes place, those women may experience distracted thoughts, including benign but unsexy things about work or life, or judgmental ones, such as concern about their lack of response, worry about their appearance or anxiety about their partner leaving them. Taking a cue from programmes meant to treat depression and anxiety, over the course of eight sessions, she and her colleagues debunk myths, educate participants about their bodies and bring awareness to various erogenous zones.

Brotto and her colleagues are now performing another randomised control trial to try to identify the mechanisms by which mindfulness actually works, including whether the women are simply happier and less stressed or more aware of their bodies, or both.

For now, most experts continue to recommend such treatments over pharmaceuticals, despite the fact that the so-called female Viagra , Addyi flibanserin , gained US Food and Drug Administration approval last August. The comparison with Viagra, however, is less than accurate, as Viagra essentially solves a plumbing issue blood flow to the penis , while Addyi affects the brain. But as Brotto points out, Addyi bases itself on a very narrow definition of desire — one due to an imbalance of serotonin and dopamine.

Addyi only increases the number of satisfying sexual encounters by 0. Those taking Addyi also cannot drink alcohol. Diamond suggests that addressing the underlying psychological issues driving low desire may be a more effective treatment.

Not all women, however, are distressed by lack of desire. Some assume that orientation throughout life, whereas others may go through phases of asexuality. Read our in-depth exploration of the Asexual Pride movement here.

• Thinking Sexy: Unlocking the Secrets of Sensual Desire.
• Surviving the Business Lunch: 25 Tips in 25 Minutes.
• Portraits of Extraordinary Women (Portraits for the Ages).
• Thinking Sexy - OK Virtual Library - OverDrive.

In other cases, distress over desire may be imposed by a partner who has higher levels and is making the other person in the relationship feel bad about it. If researchers know anything about desire, it is that variation is the norm. Whether male or female, desire can manifest in a seemingly endless spectrum of forms, and it can range from high to low to nonexistent.

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