Whouley shares the trying, the tender, and the sometimes hilarious moments in meeting the challenge also known as Mom. As her mother, Anne, falls into forgetting, Kate remembers for her. In Anne we meet a strong-minded, accidental feminist with a weakness for unreliable men.
Remembering the Music, Forgetting the Words by Kate Whouley | tandjfoods.com
The first woman to apply for and win a department-head position in her school system, Anne was an innovative educator who poured her passion into her work. House-proud too, she made certain her Hummel figurines were dusted and arranged just so. But as her memory falters, so does her housekeeping. This is familiar territory for anyone who has had to help a loved one in decline, but Kate finds new and different ways to approach her mother and her forgetting.
As a reader, I felt privileged to be on the receiving end of such a confidence, which concerns the most important issues: I read it in two sittings and turned the last page with regret.
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It also made me want to go hug Kate Whouley for her generous, fearless and spot-on recounting of a mother-daughter relationship during its most tragic yet poignantly beautiful years. Full of mother-daughter issues, identity, grief, loss, along with lots of love, and enduring friendships, Remembering The Music, Forgetting the Words is perfect fodder for reading groups!
She shows us how the final stage in life can hold such wonder, and beneath the heartache-grace. The book explores the complex relationship of Mother and child, the nature of friendship, and the world of aging and dementia. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It touched me deeply. I love this book. But once I picked it up, I could not put it down. This is a book just about everyone can relate to and should read. Kate Whouley is a wonderful writer; the emotions sit right there on the page, waiting to be picked up and confronted by her readers.
She is a born storyteller sharing a story all too common these days-children journeying with parents into the feared land of memory loss, wanting desperately to make the path as smooth and harmless as possible, and feeling thwarted at every turn by legal issues, the medical establishment, and the economic realities of aging. USA Today - November 1, The Barnstable Patriot - September 16, Shelf Awareness - September 1, In fact, she has been threatening to sue since she slipped off the stool in my kitchen.
Remembering the Music, Forgetting the Words
She moved from sitting to almost standing before she appeared to crumple to the floor. My friend Bruce, who was occupying the other counter stool, reached for her. But she went down too fast. Why are your floors so damn slippery? I landed on my fanny. Your house is already too goddamn cold! As best as I can figure, she forgets about the injury until she sits on her tailbone a certain way, and then-- bam--she remembers she fell, determines my slippery floors are to blame, and feels the impulse to sue me all over again.
This has been happening, on average, about twenty times a day for the past six days. If I were less annoyed by her repeated threats to sue me, I might find it more interesting that she has reinvented the story of her fall. She begins to tell the attorney that she was walking down the hallway when she fell. She writes her experiences in simple words without going into complexity her ordeal. She informs her readers through her mood of frustration of having to organize and set up care for her mother.
Secondly her sadness of having to deal with her mother having the disease and knowing that it will get worse. The author writes as if she was writing to a friend to understand what is going on. The reader can sense all her emotions and how she words her story to where a person can relate to her story. Furthermore the book is organized in a timely manner and is onto the emotional rollercoaster. The book begins with happy moment memories. While she has to solely take responsible for her mother, she balances her well being.
She is a musician who loves playing music. Music was her escape and a way to feel a balance of being herself without having to worry about caring or attending to her mom. In addition I may not directly relate to this story, however I found a sense of understanding to what she was going thru. People may not be going thru the same disease, but can experience the similar trials. Although the author makes the reading, slightly humorous I sensed her emotions. She wanted her own life and to live it without having to worry about her mom.
I appreciated it when Kate Whouley explained that those suffering from memory problems often can't remember the steps needed to accomplish a task.
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Kate Whouley relates something that she read many years ago that defined dementia as "soul wandering". Medicine and neuroscience explain Alzheimers's in more concrete terms: In response, they may blame those around them for the things that no longer make sense. My husband sometimes reminds me that when I listen to my friend, I am only hearing one side of the story. Whouley's book was a gift to me at a time when I really needed it. I have spent countless hours trying to understand what is happening and looking for words or suggestions that may help. I think I need to send my copy of Remembering the Music, Forgetting the Words to my friend's daughter with a note of support.
Then, I need to purchase another copy for myself. It has really helped to know that there are others out there also searching for answers. Thank you, Kate Whouley, for sharing your story. Jul 17, S. Memoirs about terminal disease are hard to read.
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I think readers are drawn to them because they want to know if they have what it takes to cope with such difficult circumstances. I also think they read them in the hopes that someone who has gone through it can serve as a good example of what to do and what not to do. And while "Remembering The Music, Forgetting The Words" tells an important story of such a struggle, it fails to be a bigger success in its genre due to lack of depth and a writing Memoirs about terminal disease are hard to read.
And while "Remembering The Music, Forgetting The Words" tells an important story of such a struggle, it fails to be a bigger success in its genre due to lack of depth and a writing style that takes no risks.
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The book is straightforward and succinct. There are no long drawn out passages or fancy language to skip over and it makes for a short, no-fuss read. On the same note, there isn't anything particularly magical or heartrending about it. I was not enticed to return to its pages during breaks in readings. Because Whouley is documenting the subtle progression of Alzheimer's, she often mixes in the mundane day-to-day stuff: The style in which she writes it feels less sentimental than it should.
I wasn't moved by it. Whouley doesn't reveal much about her mother or herself except small details. I would've liked to hear more about her occupation as a musician, what inspired her to play, why she chose the instrument she did, and memorable performances.
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I also would've liked to hear more anecdotes about her mother's occupation as a teacher, as a profession of that kind is always filled with stories. Lastly, the inclusion of photographs would've been a good idea - pictures of the memoir's author and other involved people make it more interesting and personal. The only photographs the reader gets are the cut-off picture booth photos that border the left-hand side of the book's cover. This is an average memoir that documents a personal story in a minimalistic fashion. Those that want lyricism and captivating writing in the memoirs they read should look elsewhere.
Jun 21, Jacki rated it really liked it Shelves: Grab your tissues and favorite James Galway music and prepare to laugh and cry through Kate Whouley's Cottage for Sale, Must Be Moved narrative of the challenges and rewards inherent in caring for a parent with Alzheimer's disease, as well as the power of music to heal our souls. Whouley's story begins with the release of her first book, which her mother declares an acceptable substitute for grandchildren.
An ominous note underscores the joy as Whouley describes their blissful ignorance in the Grab your tissues and favorite James Galway music and prepare to laugh and cry through Kate Whouley's Cottage for Sale, Must Be Moved narrative of the challenges and rewards inherent in caring for a parent with Alzheimer's disease, as well as the power of music to heal our souls. An ominous note underscores the joy as Whouley describes their blissful ignorance in the time before her mother began showing early symptoms of Alzheimer's.
Soon Whouley's life becomes a whirlwind of caring for her mother, educating herself about the disease and stretching to afford the cost of assisted living. On top of navigating the exhausting practical matters, Whouley faces the emotional torture of watching her mother transform from the brilliant, successful woman she knew into a forgetful, angry echo of her former self. Through all the pain and pitfalls, Whouley finds solace through making music with the flute her mother bought her in grade school.
While the subject signals a potential sob story, Whouley gracefully keeps a balance between poignancy and humor. Her intelligent, sensitive voice is a treat whether she relates her philosophy, a funny anecdote or a heart-wrenching decision. Her explanation that Alzheimer's helped her relationship with her mother in some ways is a monument to humanity's power to see blessings even in curses. Readers may expect this book to break their hearts but also to uplift them.
Sign up for this free and awesome newsletter at http: Nov 25, M rated it it was amazing. This book is as excellent as I had hoped it would be. It reads like a good story and you feel like you are sitting right there with Kate hearing her tell the story. She deals with the difficult challenges of having a mother with early stage dementia not with as a sad story, but with laughter, grace, and funny moments as well as hard times. The chapters are a just right length and I can't put it down. I will sad when I finish it. Sep 12, Marti rated it liked it. My mother is in middle stages of AD.
I read this book in hopes of being encouraged. In found many similarities on our paths and comforting thoughts. Perhaps because of where we are in the disease process, I also experienced horror , like I was watching a train accident. I felt somewhat betrayed at the ending which I will not spoil here, and I also found a sense of peace. Mar 11, Brian rated it really liked it. I was sent a galley to review and I am most grateful! What a compassionate, sympathetic, yet utterly honest look at living with, and losing a loved one to this wasting disease.
Nov 03, Linda rated it really liked it. Really appreciated the practical information about dementia and how the author learned to cope with her mother's diminishing mental capacity. Would definitely recommend to anyone with a family member or close friend living with any form of dementia. Oct 21, Ruth rated it really liked it. Enjoyed isn't the right word for my experience with this work; however, despite the understandably depressing content, the author was able to keep me fully engaged throughout.
Recommended for anybody who has lost a loved one to any form of dementia. Dec 20, Yak rated it really liked it.
Nicely done story of a woman traveling down the Alzheimer's path with her mother. I could have done with less of her pseudo-theology, but the depiction of her mother's decline and the arc of her story rings very true. Mar 04, Arline rated it liked it. As I work with patients with dementia everyday, I found this book to be a good story but not very informative. Might be an excellent read for someone who is unfamiliar or has a parent going through the beginning stages. Memoirs about Alzheimer's are never easy to read, but I enjoyed Whouley's writing style and could relate to very much of what she wrote.