I keep noticing quirky uses of language and I can't put my finger on it. She's misusing tense all the time. This might hint at one of two things: Or she's misrepresenting the time-scale of the events intentionally. It is interesting, overall, that her use of language is all-in-all pretty good, but not her use of tense.
This would hint at a higher likelihood of the second scenario; though I wouldn't go shout 'liar liar pants on fire' just yet. Oh well, I guess I don't come here for the truth. I come here for the entertainment, and this was a good story: OP is not a professional writer and the narrator of the story said they dropped out of school.
In the comments, the OP says that she went back to high school, but the narrator left her master at 20 years old so it was probably a GED program? But i also brushed habitually. Was your dental hygiene or general hygiene for that matter any different than normal? There's a huge, huge, huge genetic component as well. I'm the only person that I know that brushes and flosses twice a day going out for the evening?
Possibility I won't be sleeping at home? My dentist tells me that my teeth and gums are healthy and clean, and that I'm doing as well as I can, but there are some factors that you really can't control. This is an interesting story. Thank you for being brave enough to share. I have a few questions: I miss the simplicity of it all. No job, no worries, no trouble. Every time I do my taxes or wonder if I can buy a new pair of pants, I have flashbacks to those 16 months. When we used to have friends over, I had flashbacks to the time Frank had people over and tended at first to remain quiet.
No, because I could have simply told him at any time that I wanted to leave, which I ended up doing in the end. The saddest part, is that I don't think I will ever be happier than in the first 12 months or so that I was there. Back then, I had been miserable up to the moment I accepted to live with Frank. I couldn't believe my luck in short. He was attentive and loving, at least, in my mind. I am sure that my current boyfriend is much better but back then I didn't know better.
We spoke for a few hours. He asked me why I said it and if he could take back what he had done. I almost agreed to stay, but I guess my heart knew my time was over. Eventually he gave me some clothes and we went to see my mom. I think he really intended to drop me there and say goodbye but her indifference shook both of us. I asked myself that question a lot. I think that indeed, something died inside of me. At first, after I said my safe word, I was empty inside. I had no goal, no direction, no idea of who I was.
Perhaps I was like a house that had been built on a shaky foundation. Frank helped destroyed it which allowed me to rebuild it over the next few months or years. In the spirit of getting both sides, when you look back, is there anything you really regret doing or allowing to be done to you? The 3 weeks of pet play were quite amusing. I had a lot of fun and is one of my fondest memories of the period. If my boyfriend asked me to do BDSM again, I would probably hesitate, but I wouldn't mind doing pet play once more from time to time. I think I was shaking for hours and the marks on my breasts stayed for almost 2 days thought I have no idea how long it really was since I didn't have access to a clock.
I certainly would have been more clear on my expectations and my limits and I would have asserted myself more often. We had a temporary safe-word, you know, to just stop what we were doing at the time but not the entire period. I should have used it for the blindfolds and the no-talking, but then again, perhaps I would still be there with rotten tooths.
Certainly I would have insisted on regular walks outside and access to a calendar, but then again, the disorientation about the time seemed to have helped me overcome my problems. I am certainly a better person now, but perhaps a normal boyfriend would have brought the same results. Maybe you needed the kind of attention someone like Frank to get you on the right road? That's definitely not something a normal boyfriend could do. Have you seen the movie Secretary? Yeah I think someone who has suffered trauma like yours would need something extreme to really knock you back into your life.
It sounds like you were essentially brainwashed from the experience of living with your parents. I'm not saying that this was the best solution for you or that this sort of extreme situation would help everyone. But there's a reason that many monastic orders take vows of silence. It really gives your brain time to process the things that happen to us in our daily lives. Many of us spend so much time plugged in that we forget that we exist outside of our minds.
I dunno, but when you said that this time gave you a sort of restart it made perfect sense to me. But I'd just like to say that I'm glad you made it out safely. I hope the rest of your life just gets better from here. And perhaps that's why the last bit of silence caused me to stop it, especially when coupled with the blindfold. Is there a reason for this? He said he'd take you to see a doctor - did that not extend to dentists?
I think my lack of visits to the dentist for 16 months shocked him more than the fact I spent those 16 months naked.
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Since I wasn't really normal, I thought he was actually normal about dental hygiene until Reddit pointed it out. If you're not exaggerating about "5 times a day" that's actually too much. Like, you can cause damage brushing your teeth that frequently. Maybe the bf has just a touch of dental OCD? The first time you went to a dentist after the ordeal, did you have many cavities?
I never once went to a dentist as a kid my parents sucked, not as much as yours and I rarely remembered to brush my teeth, but the first time I had my teeth cleaned 2 years ago - I'm 27 I only had two cavities. I was actually kind of shocked. Dental strength can vary a lot from person to person I brush my teeth and see the dentist regularly, but I still get a shit-ton of cavities. I must have had 12 or so, about half on baby teeth. Can't upvote that enough! Normal seems to be times per day and some people take gums, others floss, most people that floss do it not every day.
At the point you were when he picked you? Hell, even for keeping you away from drugs he pretty much saved your ass. And as boyfriends go, he was very close to what you needed. Plus I have a feeling it helped a lot that he was a bit older and more experienced you didn't say this, but it's a safe guess. Living and talking with him for more then a year probably was good education for you. Your "mentor" if you will Many of us had one I'm still grateful for mine. I think so too. Not being in school anymore meant I no longer had a ton of "safe" guys wanting to give me drugs for sex.
Your "mentor" if you will. He taught me to cook and do his laundry I didn't really have any laundry. That was already more than my mother did for me. I don't think so. Most men at this age are off pursuing their dreams and don't have time to give that much attention to a woman. The dream is rarely to take care of a woman.
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I think it would be odd if you found someone who took care of you as well as Frank did. I honestly think he's a good guy based on your account of him. I'll also add that your emotional experience is the extreme of many women I have met. Most of the time, it's not hard for me to find a girl who craves attention in exchange for one thing or another. I usually assume it's some parental issue, because I don't see where they would find that a sufficient affection other than through family. I respectfully think more people should read your story.
It would help enlighten people on how abuse affects the people around them. Your story is extraordinary to say the least. Slaves get no respect. No respect I tells ya. I went to a fetish party once. I got slapped around, insulted and degraded. Some guy even used me as a toilet. I was there for a tickle fetish. No respect at all.
So my wife, she says 'Rodney, I want to fuck you hard'. I goes up to the bedroom expecting a night of passion. I'm up there for hours and I'm thinking 'Whats taking her so long? I go downstairs to see all my stuff's gone. She leaves me a note and says 'I fucked you good! I was a slave once. I went to one of them dungeon things. I'm an ugly man though. Just not attractive at all. The slave master took one look at me and used his safe word. It's rough being me, its real rough.
Hey, you and me. We'd get along great. Real great I tells ya. We should go out some time; I'm always looking for a new ex-wife. My last wife, when she wanted me to stop she would say 'anything'. She'd say anything to get me to go away. I'm tellin ya, if she was awake she wanted nothin' to do with me. What made it harder was that she was a Insomniac. It's tough bein' me. Well, I learned from Reddit today that my boyfriend's attitude toward dental hygiene is near to obsessive levels. In a weird way, I admire you just because I would imagine this takes such will power. You have to understand that my mother was pretty much beaten every day and drilled into my head that you couldn't say no to a man who was taking care of you.
At first, a lot of things triggered my temporary safe word "red light" for the current event to stop, but somehow, I didn't think to just end the whole agreement. I didn't think I could get anything better than I was getting. In the end however, he pushed too hard and I realized that I wasn't feeling myself. Out of self-preservation, I felt that the "red light" safe word wasn't enough anymore, so I used the full safe word "MacGyver" which ended the whole relationship. For someone who was described as a "reject of society", you sure know how to format well and write coherently.
I am now I matured a lot since then I do not think I have ever read an AMA that kept me more deeply enthralled than that did. I just blazed right through it and only after I had finished the conclusion did I realize just how long it was. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I have dabbled in BDSM but nothing anywhere near as deep as you went. You are indeed quite lucky that Frank did respect your safety word.
There are some that I know who would have gotten too used to having an obedient slave and would have disregarded it as simple disobedience and punished accordingly. The long term safe word was "MacGyver". I know, it sounds weird, but you want to have a word that will not be said by accident. Something that stands out in the conversation. The "in the moment" safe word was simply "red light". It's apparently very common. How will you express if you are on Mouth gag?
Now that you know more, do you look back at the time, what you endured for so long and triple facepalm or brush it off as something that helped you get out the funk? I don't believe so. I did have 2 cavities the next time I went to see the dentist. That's pretty much it. If I had allowed tattoos or branding, I suspect it might have turned out differently, but I am not sure.
It depends on what you mean. I do regret the years in high school I was on drugs and sleeping with pretty much everybody. I am lucky I didn't get into more problems. But I generally have fond memories of first 12 months or so passed in Frank's company. The last few months were harder but nowhere as bad as in my parent's house. The few times it went a little too far, I tend to indeed brush it off as accidents but I am not sure I see it as specifically helping me getting out of the funk, like you said.
I think it's mostly that someone cared for me and that I didn't have a care in the world. For those 16 months, I was like a child: I lived entirely in the present and slowly stopped thinking about the past. I generally took a long shower each time Frank was out to work, often until the hot water ran out. I was 18 when I said yes to Frank. He was 37 at the time. I should have made that clearer in my text.
So how do you feel about Frank now? You seem to potray him as an ok guy just with a crazy fetish or? Always used a condom. They all knew I was easy so they didn't take any chances and used a condom. In the end, I don't think I had a single unprotected relation. More seriously, its indeed good to hear you've turned your life around enough to open up about such things. Wish you the very best in future, One love. Then it isn't a role, right? Roles seem to be defined by the fact that you envision the possibility of an end to playing them.
I am thinking that after it had been a year, Frank assumed it was my new life and that I was fully devoted to him. A lifelong obedient slave. He started to push more and more, perhaps to test me, perhaps because he was no longer holding back. The 3 weeks blindfolding had taken me all I could and it was in the middle of a "no talking except during debriefing phase" which was slowly becoming a "no talking at all" rule. When he wanted to tie me to his cross, something I always hated other than the fact that it was a perfect occasion to beg him to get me down. This time, I wasn't allowed to talk and it simply was too much for me, so I cancelled everything, making an end to the role.
But I would be lying if I said that I had a clear distinction between my life and my role during those last few months. I say Frank seems like a "nice" guy - if by nice one means that he didn't murder you but just sincerely seemed to care about you, like you know, a human being to a different human being. Well, good luck in future endeavors and Sometimes I think my childhood was bad it wasn't and then I read about people with really shitty ones. For example, he insisted to repeat my safe word several times per week or so to make sure I didn't forget it and he would hold me in his arms for hours after long sessions, to make sure I was alright.
My guess is that perhaps he too had a rough childhood but instead of being cared for he wanted someone to care about. Yeah, but the worse is that when you compare, there is always someone who had it worse than you. I wasn't sexually abused or even beaten. I wasn't even spanked once. I am not sure I could actually write a book about it. It took all I had to write that much. Do feel liberated or vulnerable now that you have talked about it?
I would think those would be the 2 feelings that could come from this. As for the whole father mother thing, it saddened me to hear this. I know that this type of family happens all to much. What really saddens me is no one seemed to care. The school should have seen some issues with you and intervened at some point. Would it be to much to ask what state this took place in? I am guessing PA or NY. I hope you now enjoy your life. It seems you are on your way to a good one.
Also, if you haven't seen it you need to see the movie "The Secretary". What a fantastic movie. I felt liberated when I told my boyfriend back then. I also felt liberated when I told my psychologist. You could get someone to write it with you, either a ghostwriter or co-author. I imagine there are plenty of writers at local colleges, community education centers and the like who would like to work with you.
Alternatively turn it into another piece of art a play, documentary, painting. This is a wonderful story that deserves more than a reddit post. What did you tell her? You really should have gone into extreme detail. Promising you he won't make the same mistakes doesn't really mean much.
Your post was fascinating and really informative from a psychological point of view. Thank you for including your childhood and family life. It really explains the reasons your trajectory in life pushed towards those places and people. I'm genuinely thrilled to hear you've been getting therapy and it shows in the way you write and describe things. Keep at it, you've hard a dark start at life. Is it sad that I thought, "How can she possibly live a interesting and fulfilling life without the Internet? From another reply she said it was 8 years ago.
Plus he worked in a factory. So he's a working class guy almost a decade ago?
I'm surprised he had a cell phone because at that point only around a third of even the US population had cellphones and most of those people were middle class. Heck, land lines and 56k modems were still the norm back then even though there were faster options. Thank you for sharing your story. And, you sound like a very wise person. He is proud of how far I went, but I don't think he would react positively if he ever met Frank. In the beginning, he would say things like: To try and get a reaction or something I guess, but the reality is that I am over all of that.
However he definately abused his power a lot. I know at least two people who are into BDSM, one of them is also giving private sessions. Unlike what most people would think BDSM is far from dangerous or even vulgar in most of its occasions however I have one major complaint from this subculture, which is perfectly distilled in this IAMA when this Frank guy is concerned The writer of this captures it perfectly, she felt "great" for being cared for, for having no responsibility.
I do not think there is a greater sin than wishing to be forever a child and even taking pleasure from it. The BDSM subculture seems to be fueled by this feel. Both of the people I know are from "destroyed" families so they never really knew how it is to be loved, in a way they need it and they're both great people, but I don't know how well it will help them in the long run It may be better than falling to alcohol, or drugs, but I would had preferred them to take what they want from their friendships I tend to be skeptical when reading IAMA, because of the huge amount of trolls.
I didn't however ones have the feeling that this story seemed made up. I do have some questions if you don't mind me asking: Could you try to describe Frank a bit more accurate? How was he build and where you physically attracted to him? Did he speak to in an ordinary way or did use a special form of speech? Did he use any special technique during sex that you think might have advantages for us guys here?
All in All, it seems to me Frank really wasn't a bad guy. I do believe in a way he did take advantage of your state, but I know plenty of people who will in one way or another. In the end he enabled you start a new life, with a cleaner slate. I don't think at that point that I was very selective. I used to sleep with almost every guy who would smile at me. No, but you have to understand that most of the sex I had up to that point had been under the influence of drugs and only with selfish guys. So, he was the first to care if I had an orgasm or not thought in some cases, he forbid me to come for days.
One of the things that I think worked was the extremes of sensations. For example, he would spank me until I almost cried of pain and would quickly switch and fuck me. I do believe in a way he did take advantage of your current state, but I know plenty of people who will in one way or another.
I am not sure HE did. I think he placed me in a position where I could lift myself from my old life. The whole concept of what you did absolutely fascinates me. Perhaps not so much the BDSM side of it - but having no ties to the outside world, no concept of time and 3 months off the date you thought it was Just reading your story actually puts my life into a little more perspective, perhaps that little bit clearer.
This is the most interesting, best written Iama I've read yet. Thank you for sharing your story with us. For some reason, I keep thinking about folding clothes and washing dishes when reading the word slave. I did the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning, I washed him in the shower. I shaved him in the morning. I even cleaned the toys he used on me for him. Apart for the first few weeks when he was teaching me, he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do himself. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. As a fatherless female, I counted on sex as a teenager to deal with my insecurities.
Looking back I wasn't ready for sex at 14 and starting that young without knowing who I really was made me depend on my sex to make me feel "good". I tried to tell myself it was liberating, and that if boys could have sex frequently without being called names, then why couldn't I? Really I just didn't know when or how to say no. In turn I put myself in some dangerous situations, situations that I would never put myself in again. I am thankful it never got to the point your story did, for it surely could have.
Two years ago I met my loving long term boyfriend, and partaking in BDSM safely together is heavenly. To me it sounds like perhaps both of you had prior issues which compounded into an unhealthy relationship, on the bright side it sounds like you're in a good place now Lots of love sent your way from someone who understands, at least partly.
Sadly, in therapy, I became convinced it was good to open to him and told him more about what I went through, so that first year was ups and downs.
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Since then, things are good. It's been 7 years since I left and I met my current boyfriend 6 years ago. I almost never comment on reddit because there's anyways someone who has said what I wanted to say, and usually more, and I just upvote those comments, as I did here to a bunch saying thank you, but I really just wanted to say it myself this time - Thank You for writing your story.
That was a long read, but an incredible story. It's unfortunately that not everyone gets the same start in life and that bleeds into your future, but doesn't control it. I hope you get the best that life has to offer: Children is a big part of our fighting. I feel I don't really have what it takes to be a mother and my boyfriend thinks that because of my past, I would make an excellent one. Although not the same as your situation at all, but you might find this story interesting. It's about attachment disorder, but it mentions a 'second birth' process that your post immediately reminded me of:.
This American Life [ http: Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. IAmA comments other discussions 1. Log in or sign up in seconds. Submit a new text post. Click here to search AMAs by category! Everyday Espionage 21 Dec 1: The Love Gap see more AMAs should be about: Something uncommon that plays a central role in your life, or A truly interesting and unique event. Explanation and examples of this rule can be found here All AMAs require proof. Proof should be included in the text of the post when you start your AMA.
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I now have a blog!!! My childhood I was an accident. Teenager years Around 11 or 12, I began drinking. Drugs Soon, I was offered light drugs like marijuana, acid blotters and ecstasy. Death of my father When I turned 16, my dad died of rectal cancer gone general. Enter Frank But I met Frank fake name. Accepting the proposition So I began to open to him and one day, after he proposed for the 40th time or so to have me as a slave full time, I simply said yes.
He sometimes works the night shift, sometimes works the day shift, etc… One of the first things he did was get rid of all calendars and clocks in the house, keeping only his watch and his cellphone for any time references. Getting used to it Gradually, I began to enjoy it. Long term roles You see, some of the things he did were long term rules or roles.
Getting out One day, he decided to tie me to his cross like he often did and I just said my safe-word. Finding a job and moving out Two months after I said my safe-word, I found a job in a burger joint, not a big chain but a mom and pop store where I was a waitress serving greasy burgers. Now I eventually made a new boyfriend, a regular customer at my restaurant, and now I am the receptionist for the office he works for.
Summary If you didn't want to read, here is a summary: I was an accident and my parents ignored me all my life desperate for attention, I slept with boys who gave me drugs I eventually dated a guy who was into BDSM and when he was kicked out of the dungeon, continued going Frank asked me to be a full time slave at this loft and I eventually said yes I spent 16 months naked at his loft as a slave, slowly almost being brainwashed One day, I said it was enough and moved out UPDATE Friday Morning I am trying to answer the questions I didn't get.
Here are some of the most asked questions: Not 16 like some understood. Want to add to the discussion? Indeed, I answered elsewhere, it was MacGyver. It was his favorite show while he was growing up. MacGyver can get people out of ANY situation. I am the one always pushing for more sexual stuff For the record, MacGyver wouldn't have done that to you.
Still there, can't find my way out! It's just sad someone downvoted me. I guess it will fall in oblivion. Thanks for the clarification! I agreed to join Frank in August of That was over 8 years ago. I grew a lot since. It was my boyfriend's idea to put a summary at the end. How is your life with the new boyfriend? But in any case, any good story has its real downvotes, and yours is really good. Seriously, for some reason, it freaks out my boyfriend more than everything else. Until now, I thought this behavior of his was normal, but I guess he had problems too.
Over-brushing, as you said, is definitely not good for your teeth. It is also very insightful. Having a safe-word to rely on felt terribly safe and comforting compared to what I grew up in. Now I see that. Then, I felt so much loved and appreciated compared to how I was raised. But I now see the differences between Frank and my boyfriend, who do love me. If you're sure a power exchange relationship just isn't for you I didn't have any interests to do anything related to BDSM since I left him.
It's hard to tell.
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I am glad to see I am not alone, even if our conditions are different. Could you elaborate, I am not sure I understand what you mean but it sounds interesting. Perhaps that helped me. I didn't take any drugs since I met Frank. Take it at face value, that's all you should do with it. Do you look back at the life you had with him and miss it or anything about it? Did you ever think about running away while he wasn't there?
After spending so much time inside. What did you do after you said the 'safe word'? What was the safe word? Do you feel like you are damaged in some way because of what happened between you and Frank? Thanks again for sharing. Fortunately, that passed quickly. Sure, my life is better now, but I know I deserve it.
I didn't expect better. In fact I didn't expect anything at all. It was chosen randomly. It's slowly that I rebuilt a new life and that I found some new priorities. But in the end, I think that any remaining damage is mostly my parents fault. The cross was also a bit too much for me.
But the rest was usually fun, in a way. Oh, and the clothespins. That's probably the worst. One time, he placed over clothes pins on my body. I hurt like I never thought it could hurt. By the time the last one was in place, the first ones were burning red hot. When he started to remove them, I almost fainted on the pain. We had an after talk and I made it clear that if he did that again, I was out. The rest, even the golden showers was fine then. I didn't really have a lot of self-esteem. The question is, would I have been able to find a normal boyfriend?
Thank you for sharing! Yes, I think you got it exactly! I had nothing to do but reflect on my life. He brushes his teeths 5 times a way, flosses twice a day, etc Hell, even for keeping you away from drugs he pretty much saved your ass I think so too. I would have most likely ended up on the street as a prostitute to pay for my drugs.
Plus I have a feeling it helped a lot that he was a bit older and more experienced you didn't say this, but it's a safe guess I was 18 at the beginning. He was 37, so he was over twice my age. But he taught me much more. What an incredible insight and it was well-written! In the summer we would make meat helmets I thought he was normal, so I mentioned it a lot. My psychologist kept asking me and I still don't have an answer.
I used it a few times, notably during long spanking sessions when I had enough. Did you shower or keep yourself clean during that period? Did you shower or keep yourselve clean during that period? I also showered with Frank every day: I generally had to clean him up. The first major evolution has become known as "New Leather" or "New Guard". However, even this is the subject of some disagreement, as many noted authors and historians assert that there are little or no substantive differences. Today, the leather subculture is one of many facets to semi-organized alternative sexuality.
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This influence is particularly evident in the graphical illustrations of leathermen found in the work of Tom of Finland. The pornographic films of one of his models Peter Berlin from Berlin, such as his film Nights in Black Leather, also reflected and promoted the leather subcultural aesthetic. Aspects of leather culture beyond the sartorial can also be seen in the murder mystery novel Cruising by Jay Green. In a interview, Halford described the leather subculture as the inspiration for this look. Shortly after appropriating the leather look, Halford started appearing onstage on a roaring motor bike.
Soon, the rest of the band followed. Today, while some may still use the term strictly in the old-fashioned sense i. Although gay men are the most visible symbol of the leather community, there are numerous women who identify as leatherwomen - and women have the International Ms. An example is Joan Jett , who has a leather pride sticker prominently displayed on her guitar.
Relatively few lesbian women were visible during the early emergence of the leather subculture. Pat Califia , who identified as a lesbian at the time, was an activist in the San Francisco leather subculture, and is credited for defining the emergence of lesbian leather subculture. Califia now identifies as a bisexual transgender man.
Groups such as G. The women of Leather and Lace learned the "old guard" traditions from the men of Avatar. Leather and Lace had a code of conduct, a uniform that could only be worn once a member earned the right. In Europe younger men have combined the aesthetic and exploration of sexual power with the gay skinhead movement and social-fraternal organizations like BLUF , from the late s. The event is California's third-largest single-day, outdoor spectator event [ citation needed ] and the world's largest leather event and showcase for BDSM products and culture. Many LGBT museums, archives and libraries collect material relating to leather communities, with many holdings substantial collections, including the Australian Lesbian and Gay Archives and the dedicated Leather Archives and Museum , based in Chicago.
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